"World" as I See........

I liked you but its time for us to get apart...............

2009-06-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

On the way to Jaipur I decided I wont spend time with her this time......Two days passed I didn't saw her.While I was about to catch the bus to delhi I saw her again.There she was but I thought no mutreja no , control......I plugged headphones into the ear to divert mind and this is what I hear......

Lagi tumse man ki lagan lagan lagi tumse man ki lagan
dil tujhe doodndhe ,ghadi ghadi doodndhe
tere bin terse nayan........

ahhh.......now I cannot control I went closer and said bhai sahab "ek classic regular dena" and there she was in my hands.....what a relief............

On the way I thought may be I should write somethings about cigarettes bcos it is the thing which gives a smoker the best few moments of his day.So here I go with a few lines dedicated to ciggy............

My dear cigarette
I like u ,infact I think u r like a girlfriend to me.
Whatever u wear the red and white(Marlboro ) or the golden dress(classic) doesn't matter to me
You give me instant relief from stress although you are painful to me in the long run
The moment I think of you I feel like holding you in my hands
With you I always get your lovely friends as bonus(chloromint,happydent)
When I feel depressed I need u and whenever I feel happy I need u
Everybody says I should be away from you,you are not good for me but I like u
But without you everything looks boring in life
however there is one thing which is not common b/w u and a girlfriend
its that I would not like to share g/f with friends :)
Saying all that dear , I think its time we should stop seeing each other.
I know its hard for me while seeing u in the hands of my friends but this time I am serious .
There are millions of lovers dieing for u and most of them wud die because of u.
But Seriously once again from the bottom of my lungs I wud say I liked u................

Live life like what it is meant to be............

2009-06-07T11:58:00.000-07:00

I donno wat to write but I want to write something so here I go............
So I wud start with few incidents which I think I have impacted my personality in a very bad way

1.First one was when I went to Kota for IIT-JEE prep and I could not handle things there and I came back just after a week. It was my decision to go and then come back. From that day I have always doubted my decisions whether small or big that it may be a disaster like Kota.

2.Second one was when I my AIEEE form wrongly and inspite of getting a good rank I was in a state where I had sleepless night thinking what wud happen, everyday calling, mailing chairman of AIEEE with no response,thankfully DCE saved me.From that incident I became a too much over cautious person , I get restless as of something should not go wrong until I get the confirmation.I check everything twice thrice even when I lock the door.

3.When I went for My C paper in second Sem totally casually.It was first time in my life when I was sitting in a paper blank after 10 mins I did n't know anything as things i left to study were the only contents in the exam.I could see a supplie(supplementary) in that paper.Meri itni buri kabhi nahi phati thi aaj tak.Luckily I passed the exam, but from that I think 1000 times even taking tiny risks.

So while on my usual chai sutta session today I was thinking why my life has become so dull. And I realised that these things like taking risks,doing things carelessly sometimes , taking some sudden decisions are things which actually make ur life a real life. Ok what if I wud flunk some exam,what If I do some terrible mistake,what if I take a wrong decision. Things may go bad or things may go good too but overall that is the way life is meant to be not the way I do.So, may be tomorrow onwards I wud try to eliminate these things slowly one by one .......

Into the wild turned into the smoke......

2009-05-29T13:12:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to Rishikesh-Musoorie for 2-3 days.The agenda for the trip was I wanted to find the peace of mind and I wanted to explore the nature(as a impact of watching the movie "into the wild" for consecutive 2-3 days).

The outcomes of the trip were:
1.I realized you should never go to a wild life sanctuary back to back for two months.It looks good in movies the jungles but in real life sometimes they look endless.

2.The cottage which we were provided was somewhat isolated as it was forest guest house of govt of india.It was surrounded by trees, complete dark at night,pin drop silence. And that was the peace of mind which I was looking for.But within an hour I realised that its all in your head.Even in chaos you can be at peace.

3.Rafting is not that much thrilling as it is being generally discussed and I think it's being over hyped with adjectives like fundoo,faadu,khatarnaak.It's good,nice but I didn't feel any major thrill.May be my bars are too much high or may be as I was escorted by ITBP guys I didn't feel the terror .

4.I found out there is an awsome Indian band of boys(not "meri neend ud gayi" wala ,ewww).
"Swarthma" awsome songs.Listen to it on http://www.swarathma.com/ganas.html

5.Musoorie is a nice place for honeymoon.It's not that much area wise but you can spend a day or two on the roads with your spouse (obviously day time).

6.If you have not seen hell on earth on place I will tell you the address.It's at dehradun public toilet.Me and my friend had to see that place due to unavoidable nature calls and believe me behind all those five doors it was hell.Infact during the whole time while I was there I was actually thinking , hell must be better than this.

When I started for in the morning I decided that it's gonna be smoke free.I will enjoy the fresh air near river Ganga and there I was sitting on the darkest and lonliest spot on the banks of Ganga at night with a pack of Marlboro Regular turning my Trip which was intended to go into the wild turning slowly into the smoke...................................

kisi ne kahan hai jo hota hai ache ke liye hota hai....let's see....

2009-05-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

The day has come which was haunting me for the last 15-20 days.Sitting right in between the piles of clothes(gathris in hindi) I am finally ready to shift to new flat tomorrow morning.So finally I am alone in Noida with all of my friend Rewa,Gupta,Ani and me getting apart after 6 years.I never thought I would feel the way I am feeling right now.To be accurate I would say I feel the same way I felt when I left home for the engg.But life is life you cannot control your own then how can u control other's life.So now let's discuss the past one month chutiyaaps(sorry gals (although very few) for offensive language ) which I have doing as I want to leave on a happy note.

Infact I am wondering whether to mention this thing or not but since this blog is actually me so I won't discuss only those things which project me in a good way so I would discuss this thing.Actually when I was at home last month and watching roadies , I saw a girl natasha and the moment I saw her I felt what you would say "infatuation".Previous to that day I received a test from a company which was to be submitted ASAP within 2-3 hours.i solved it but didn't post it as I didn't have the net connectivity.Now after the roadies I got restless and within 10 minutes and in scorching heat of rajasthan I was in a cyber cafe searching info about her , where she is from , her background.Although I did not find much but I was feeling quite ashamed inside me that how can i be so idiot as what I was doing.but it did end there i came back to noida did searching again and after taht I posted the solutions .Till now I have seen hundreds of fake orkut accounts ,facebook accounts not only of her infact of other roadies as well in order to get a clue of her real account.I know it sounds sheer madness,but kya kare!So , while I was doing this stuff Rewa came and asked "kya kar raha hai raat ke teen baje and I said yaar dimaag kahrab ho gaya hai mera ".He listened and laughed and said "saale itna enthu kahin aur dikha to kahan se kahan pahuch jaega",I think he was right.And meanwhile Mr.rewa gave me a lesson which i wont forgot , he said "mutreja tere tu chutiya hai,tere pass itne chances hote hain tu fir bhi koi ladki nahi patata,i said kaun se chances , he said tere roll no ke pass "g" letter se kitni ladkiyan hoti hai garima,geetika etc etc......aur mere "h" ke aage peeche ladke hi hote hain ".Ans seriosuly there were very few girls staring wid H.So we decided we would name our sons from S so he wud have bright chances,and we came to conclusion "shashank" so he wud be sitting in between, shruti, sheta,shilpi,shipla and lots of those.thanks a lot Rewa I wud always remember this thing.infact if u have some suggestions please pass it on.

few moments back I went to a chai thadi , there I saw a guy,very short in height,he was looking very tired . After finishing his tea he prepared his bed on his rickshaw and adjusted himself on it. I dont know how he manages sleeping on it. But seeing him i was thinking that there are lots of things which has to be done in our society and i am doing nothing for this instead I am spending money on suttas thinking as to how to generate more money for myself ,although i cannot make a major change but atleast I can try.May be join some NGO. I donno may be I wud forgot this when i wud wake up in morning ,I donno......

Rest of things again wud take me to my frustu mode so I wont discuss.Chalo dekhte hai kal se meri hostel life in a single alone room kaise rehti hai.Let's hope for the best kyonki "kisi ne kahan hai jo hota hai ache ke liye hota hai"

knock knock!!

2009-04-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

knock knock!
who's there?
it's me?your heart
ohh i expected you to be here,it's walk time
ya.....

So,how'z the day?
naa preety boring as usual
so u again frustrated as usual
ya exactly
So why dont you do something that makes you happy?
I dont know what should I do?
Seriously think about it once again I saw that novel in your room, that guitar besides your bed,tons of unseen movies,hundreds of unread interesting bookmarks and so on...........
ya ya I agree there are things but I don't get time
acha think ab...........
ok I agree.................
dude , do something rather than pondering over things and do things that you like.....
ummmmmmm.......

acha ye bata kya karna chahta hai?bata soch jara....dhyan se......
umm do mahine himalaya pe jaana chahta hoon?
kyon?
tahk gaya hoon boring life se?
hmm.....
kya hau?
nahi I was thinking why ur dad is still working?
matlab,I didn't get you.
matlab , bhen ke takke, saale teri umar hai aaram ki, tu thak gaya hai aur tere parents kyon aaj bhi kaaam kerte hain , so that the family is happy and that is true happiness.....
haan per yaar i dont like going to office everyday?
acha 5 out of 7 seven you dont like?
umm yes......
dude u using too much of these undecsive umms....
waise u got bored in college also as far as I know,then u joined the company u were very happy , then what happened?
yes yes I was very happy, I used to drink,eat and sleep in the office?then gradually everything faded..
why?
I got bored and I wanted something more from job......
good you were very ambitious and then you would have started trying for something bigger...
no I did not get into other things but I stopped working passionately so as to save my time....
lol........lol...........Have you started yet?
no :(

At least few things I heard you did good?
what?
you cleared a SCJP exam(although u went through dumps, but you deserverd it) and you controlled your smoking......kudos t............
wait a minute actually I have stared smoking again......
shame on you?may I know the reason behind this (although you know I love smoking ten times more than you because it soothes me(your heart) but for ur betterment I fake to hate it )..
I m sorry....
Don't be sorry , stop it again,because you know deep inside your heart(I mean me)it's never its too late for anything......
I will try.......
samajh gaya main , saale wo bahar jo last wala hai use mat maar to manno tujhe........
please aaj last.......
koi samjhao is bawle ko........
chal thik hai yaad aa gaya wo to kauwe ke saath maar liya tha
now listen do not post this otherwise people will think you are a sycho...
but You always told me do whatever you like if it's not hurting anybody...
kk......then go ahead but you are responsible for all the harms.......
I know.....

kk then dude enough of talks , hopefully tommorow I will get up I will take a heavy toll of you in the nearby park.....
You know I love that you care for my friend (your big belly, we have a connection whenever she is happy I also feel good)
chalo ab so jaao ..........gn..........

my mind is somewhere else........

2009-03-05T12:17:00.001-08:00

If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.Ahh! what a relief!Reading these lines as my today fortune gave me an immense pleasure because right now I am hurted,scared and embarrassed in my professional life.By the way I am still not able to figure out the chances which I took.In short lagi padi hai.And one thing I have noticed that when u are in trouble the garden on your face(beard) betrayes you first.It starts growing at the rate of n to the power of trouble.So you look more fucked up than actually you are.Seeing yourself in mirror makes you feel more pity for urself.For the last 3 days I am not getting 15 mins to shave my face(ofcourse).Aftershave lotion which is the longest lasting thing in this world is staring at me, but looks like it will complete its 2 years.Ohh this month is like a end sem time as in my hairs are pointing towards the almighty, I am laughing but don't why(my mind is somewhere else), everybody else is laughing but I am not(I missed the context bcos my mind is some....),dont exactly remember what I had in my last meal(as I did not even looked at what I was eating as my mind is .....),10 am turned into 10pm and did not even noticed as my mind is somewhere else searching for the solution which can save my ass.

Chalo let me get to sleep so that I can cut down the grass of my face before they turn into forest
in morning.And I hope and pray that end sem ends tomorrow but I am bit scared bcos I have heard somewhere that "tomorrow never dies".

Ye recession hai mere bhai.............

2009-02-21T11:27:00.000-08:00

The theory boy (who has a theory for everything) is really busy and frustrated these days.The reason being he has to work like an ass with no hikes, no appreciation , no motivation.And he knows
things are going to get worse but he can't help it.By the way you must have guessed who is the theory guy(it's me).One of my friend Anirudh rightly said about me that I have opinion and explanation for everything on this earth.So,two months back I came out with a theory when one of colleague was badly screwed due to overload of work and criticism from managers about few things.So I came out with a theory and proposed to few people,I said "Listen , you know in every s/w engg's life a time comes from when he gets badly fucked up, whatever he does goes against him,before he completes one task he sees three tasks piled up again and this is a vicious circle, he would feel like running awy from these rigmarole but he can't ,only thing he would do is to listen and work and work......and it would feel like a non ending period, but one day he would suddenly realise that things have got better and few days later he would be relaxed and watching soembody else going through that phase".I said it very easily but when I am myself going through that period, it feels quite annoying.
You feel like using "no" and "why" thousand times a day, but you can only say ok because you can't say no to things and that too in recession period.

And the poor mutreja went to delhi-6,still that kala bandar word is roaming somewhere inside my mind.Infact I think the movie was made for some kala bandars.

Oh even looking at my blog makes me more frustrated , So I am stopping here , may be soon I will come back with my usual chatpati general life humourous stories..........

Aur kya haal chaal.............

2009-02-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

This "Aur kya haal chaal" phrase is one which is being used by me and a lot of people at least thousand times a day(and I have noticed in all my blogs that I always some imaginary least count for everything which I do ,sometimes its 100,sometimes 1000.).The general conversation starts with this sentence and in between I use its siblings "Aur Suna" when I feel like there is nothing more to talk but we should continue talk.Today morning when I called my, dad he also started with "Aur kya haal chaal" and I got frustrated that is there any other way to start a talk.And lately this "sahi hai"has also been quite visible.whenever I dont feel that I should reply something I just say "sahi hai" which means I am not thinking over what the other person is saying I am just listening otherwise I always pop-up some queries.And its not only me who does this things its a general trend which I am trying to observe.This "Aur Suna" is particularly a very expensive one because at this point the talk is over so now the talk can be diverted to any direction may be it can go for half an hour or it will die in 30 seconds followed by another "Aur Suna". I am not against this but I wish there could have been something better as a substitute for this.And the famous reply of "Aur kya haal chaal" ,"bas kat rahi hai" what the hell , what is this answer...........rubbish......

Tiil I find a decent subsitute to all this things you people tell "Aur kya haal chaal..........."

Purani jeans

2009-02-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

I wish I could make a film on my life , God it will be a complete masala movie but it won't be a hit.Reason??anybody?anybody?Yes everybody knows In India a movie without an actress does not click and there is no actress in my film.Although one sided part there was there but it is too short it would come and go before people would realise it.So leaving all this crap let me come to the point or my usual my childhood stories.Imagine a scene.........................

takauk.... takauk......takauk(sound of shoes).....somebody enters the classroom in a fully formal dress black shoes, gaberdin(a famous fabric of late 90's, a trouser with jeans roughness),blue full sleeves shirt,white socks.All the students were about to stand up for good afternoon ceremony just when that guy(weighing more than 100 kgs) finds a seat and adjusted himself .He could feel the students having that irritating glance at each other.He knew that they wanted to smile but could not in front of him.Yes my friends that guy was me with a 44 waist pant on me.Infact the teacher himself was bit surprised when he looked at me,but I managed to handle them as I creator a terror in my class to not to mess with me otherwise I would rape them coursewise and knowledge wise.God that drop year was hell!even now when I see a guy preparing for JEE I feel terrible.I could not wear jeans for two years just because there were no jeans of my size.I did not know about any brands then and those local jeans were not more than 36.Wearing a jeans became a greater dream for me rather than JEE.I lost all the hopes."Main aur meri purani tight jeans aksar ye bataten kerte , wo kehti tum 32 hote to kitne dude lagte,main kehta tun 40 hoti to main uncle to na lagta".But seriously 2002-2003 was my uncle year.

Then when I joined the college, I found that literaly everybody was in jeans afterall it was delhi and 90% DGs in DCE.So, I went for a tailored jeans but it was horrible.Three months passed and one day one of my friend Rana who was also like me(now he is fit and I am still not:( ) told me that he has 38 waist jeans and when i tried it i almost felt like I dont want anything else in my life,I have got what I wanted,i was wearing a jeans , damn it a jeans............

then lost weight and I have tried jeans of all brands(34,36,38) and recently I bought a levis jeans which somehow fitted me this time.So my friends ,many of you feel that I dont take my weight seriously and the reason is I have gone through such times that today when I see myself I still feel good as compared to I was at one time.Does not mean that i am not serious but I am not upset.So stop motivating me because I know I have done it once and I can do it again............................

Who the hell cares?

2009-02-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

kk..so let me get started right here, no more wastage of words for setting things up for next para because a lot of things to be written in very less time.So,I was wondering the kind of blog I write is quite unusual wherein I don't write about economy, country , politics , slumdomg criticism/praise,I just write about myself because I think I have not completely understood myself as of now , so I keep writing things about which infact has helped me because when I write I have realised few things and I have incorporated some changes into myself.And moreover I don't think I give enough time and thoughts to follow politics etc so that I can write.

So, while I was reading my blogs I realised that somehow I never regret my past I always feel good about.I always cherish those memories but at the same time I remember I never used to happy on those times.So I would try to be happy in the present.One more theory there are two kind of happiness one is momentarily happiness and second one is something like planned happiness,
Sounds wired?let me explain
when I go for a smoke or my 5th cup of tea in the day,that sutta and chai gives me momentarily happiness and same scene at evening night.And if I dont smoke for a week, cut down on my chai's for a week , it gives me planned happiness bcos I did what I though and the planned happiness is thousand times greater than sum of momentarily happiness.And I am addicted to these short term happiness things I want every thing in my life to give me joy which is quite difficult.I paln things for planned happiness but cant avoid momentarily happiness which are very conflicting, and may be therefore my oscillates in on/off state with a very short time period.
I am working on this and I have controlled my tea intake a bit(3 per day) bcos I firmly believe in
"Sow a thought and you reap an action; Sow an act and you reap a habit; Sow a habit and you reap a character; Sow a character and you reap a destiny." these sentences

And frankly tell you one thing I was going to write something else and I dont know what I have written.I would write it in next blog and I wont get momentarily frustrated.

Aur waise bhi "Who the hell cares?" what I write........................

The average boy theory

2009-01-24T02:40:00.000-08:00

The boy was very confused and frustrated about the things happening in his life.He could not understand why everything were demanding lots of effort while sometimes back he used to achieve things effortlessly.Suddenly somebody came and asked him about his well being?Then Bhatia(the person,believe me he has reason and information about everything on this earth) told the boy one of his theory,he said there are 3 kinds of people in this world:

first one are those who are awesomely talented , who can achieve whatever they want with minimum of efforts,this is the best category and they enjoy their life to fullest.

second one are those who have no talent at all and they know it and they do not fight for things as they know they can't , they are hopeless and even they enjoy their life

and the third one which is the worst category is the average category, these are those people who know they are not hopeless , they have potential but they wont get things easily , they have to fight for everything , they wont get things without putting ample efforts and these people spend major part of things fighting for things because they know they can and they dont enjoy enjoy life as much.

Now the boy came to realise that for some unknown reasons his life has shifted to third category from first, he used to be among first category but with same amount of efforts as theirs he was not able to deliver.So, he started to collect evidences abut his being into the average category,some of evidences he found are
1.the boy was able to enter a top 10 engg. college but with hell lot of effort and after that he never did anything great , and at the end joined an average company

2.in studies he was always average in class

3. in sports he was average (average batsman , average bowler,average vollyball player, tt player) it was not that he was bad but he was not brilliant in any
"
4.In music its not that he can't play guitar , he cant play any song ,he plays "papa kehte hai" very well" but he cannot proceed ahead , he knows he can but again huge effort required

5.looks wise the boy is average neither salman nor tushar kapoor

and many more.......................................

the boy finally realised that he was an average guy and he has to accept that he wont get things effortlessly

So, average boy is fine with his life and ready to put efforts its just he is stilll seraching for the goal.

There is a reason behind everything and behind that reason there is definately something

2009-01-10T12:31:00.000-08:00

Just one of my another effort to gather people at my blog by putting some complicated catching heading but while writing that i feel this is one of my own phrase but something in my mind also tells me may be i have read it somewhere.

So , I have decided that now onwards my posts are going to be bit like me i.e is serious and confused with my usual jokes scattered all over.I am getting bored with the kind of blogs I am writing these days.I thought may be I got diverted from why I started the blog.So let me start without wasting much of my wee hours sleep.

Generally January is a very a mentally tiring month for me every year(sometimes I wonder from where do I get this mentally tiring month sort of concept ).The reason being my bday is on 8th march , so everything I plan to do in year comes down to jan feb march.I have to reduce more than 10kgs , i have to start reading newspaper daily, i have to quit sutta completely, control daru , all this things on these 2-3 months.Half of time goes in planning my routine rather than executing one or two properly(and look how smart I am, I know , I am writing but still I am doing it).Apart from that I am preety tired with this IT industry(fed up is more suitable than tired).EverydayI wake up and I feel like fir office .I am seriously missing those breaks after each semester, i feel very pity that why I cannot go for a two month vacation somewhere.Then I literaly advice myself to be practical and accept that college life is over.It's society,family,industry,money but where is my student life. Is it over.MS looks two much planning thing to me,MBA is not my cup of tea.And the best part is whole college life when I had tons of different things to study,I never ever got inspired to anything and when I have a job which does not require anything great , I feel like doing something but don't have time nor any reason.I can see time running , but i cant see where I am going . I cant even envision where I will be 6 months from now(infact i don't want to see that because it will be like just another day).
I seriously miss my college life wherein I had the freedom to do what I wanted(apart from that haunting ACA end sem paper night , and that alternator chapter where I spend the whole day studying somplex fundas behind alternator and when somebody asked what is an alternator I was blank , seriously great days great memories , getting bit emotional now so stopping)

And I know its very boring comment on blogs,I myself do it very rarely,but if you read it you have to because I know you have the time to see a porn mail more than three times but no time for comments.

Chalo bbye, thanks for the reading my frust story

There was something really New in this Happy New Year

2009-01-01T13:33:00.000-08:00

This new year could not have been better than this.Last year ended in a memorable way with me and my friend Dd roaming at atta at around 1.00am in a chilling night . People were dancing on roads and we were enjoying our coffee with fog all around us Awsome! Awsome!.And the first day of the year was also good one with me spending most of my time with person i love the most (myself)in my flat .But it ended in an unforgettable way. With me and Dd enjoying our lavish dinner we were again lost in the fog around 11.30 to 1.00 am.We shared our childhood chutiyapas and I found most of those things very amusing.So we went back to recollect our childhood passions and we found that were very common.Some of them are

1.catching those dragon flies
2.collecting money in our gullaks
3.that diwali pataka pistol
4.dhanush baaan of ram laksham during dusshera time
5.searching whole day the best name stickers for our notebooks.
6.the anxiety to know what's inside the Almira in grandparent's restricted entry room
7.the frustration of summer holiday homework.
8.passion for cricket(even I used to remember stats of kenya bangladesh match)
9.our role models naagraj and super commando dhruv
10.and my lady bicycle and my 3 stroke priya scooter (in which i never experienced 2nd gear I always though there were two gear because after first it automatically used to switch to 3rd)
and many more...................

So although the first 3 quarters in last year were nothing good but in last quarter I finally was able to change few things . Got good control over my sutta (still not zero), got a bit responsible towards family , and the end of the year made a rule to buy something for myself every year (last year it was bike and cell phone and this year a laptop) , got bit positive in attitude towards things.

That's it
Happy New Year

I am dangerous while driving...........

2008-10-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

I steeped out of my car , I was wearing an expensive suit ,two people were waiting for me,they saluted me ,I looked at things around me.One of policeman was not behaving politely with a senior citizen.I suspended him. He was pleading for mercy but I entered the auditorium for a speech as I was a chief guest at some govt. function.People were clapping as I moved to the podium and then "zoooooooooo....." . One of the cars went past me just touching missing my shoulder(bit exaggerated but you must have got the sense). I realized I was in the middle of the road near ISBT completely lost in my day dreams.And this was not the first time it happened ,it has occurred quite a few times before also, whenever I have to drive for around more than 20 25 minutes continuously.
I felt pity for the other travelers as they were unaware that a person traveling at 70km/hr is not concentrating on driving instead he is (thinking about his heroics like three balls left in the match 23 to score and he manages that, he himself throws a no ball to himself and then he himself hit it for six,sometimes he is in discussion with US officials about nuclear deals, sometimes rejecting Bill Gates''s offer to join Microsoft ) . I am like yamraaj on the road who can take anybody's life infact my life too.But I thought it happens with everybody you can't stop thinking while driving but my dear friend Ani clarified my misconceptions by saying he just concentrates on driving while driving.But, still I hope there are some people like this.

By the way I was going to my college . So, once again nobody recognised me there apart from Bhim Singh chai wala. And I feel very good when he asks me "aur bhaiya kaise ho badhe dino baad aaye ho".I feel ahh.. atleast there is somebody who remembers me in this college.So after finishing my cheque collecting procedure I came back visiting another chai wala outside the campus, but sadly he didn't recognised me.

Rest is as usual boring nothing new to write in "wassup" column . I finally deleted my orkut account after refreshing those static pages again and again.I thought I would miss it but surprisingly I am not. Apart from some lacking usual general information like phone numbers I feel its good.At lease when I meet somebody I can ask him wassup otherwise there was nothing new to be discussed.Everything was on orkut , the trip he made to Goa(tons of photos of trip to ....... ) , the new shirt he bought(of which he would have uploaded a photo wearing thatt shirt), nothing new..........

Chalo I will stop it here before this blog becomes a mini bible and ya I met few of my college friends last week and had a good time with them(I know one of them will read it and would feel bad if I would not have mentioned it here).........

Meri Zindagi sasti ho gayi hai aur jeena mehanga

2008-10-05T06:13:00.000-07:00

Don't worry I m not going to torture you with one of my frustrated thoughts over here.The heading is like this because....... I will let u know but its not related to the context of the blog.So where should I start after receiving congratulations for my last blog about SCJP from few of my readers but everybody misunderstood the context and just congratulated me.So, to those guys let me tell you its not a big achievement ,it was just that I was so happy(sometimes everybody gets happy even without any reason) that I wrote it that way that it looked as if I was writing a blog on mine clearing SCJP but context was something else.And yes If you are reading it and you are feeling that this blog is going to a lengthy one.Just stop here , comment your thoughts(curse me , abuse me do whatever ) and go away but please do not come to me personally( until and unless u dont know how to post comment to say "saale itna lamba blog kyon likhta hai" ) but I can't control word limit, my vocab is bad , I dont get those words which makes up for 4,5 words.And moreover my overflowing thoughts are always there.

So, on wednesday night I suddenly I left for Jaipur and as expected I was standing ticket less surrounded by sutta hating uncles and some hot chicks all waiting for tickets at 11 pm at bikaner house(all of us were ticket less).And those chicks have no idea of how to reach jaipur, Jaipur to them was bikaner house so I suggested them that you can go to ISBT if its urgent you will definitely get a bus from there . and they said Oh no! those khatara gandi buses we can't go on it to jaipur, how people travel on it.And I was like "tumhari m** ki aaj tak main usme hi aata tah aaj pehli baar idhar aaya hoon aur mere saamne hi tu ......., chup ker jaa".Finally they disappeared after few moments but they fueled me that from today onwards I will go only on these buses and I got a ticket finally at 11.30 pm.I entered the bus and what I see was another chick(not a hot one) besides my seat.Flashback started in my mind goyal and noni saying "mutreja travel on this AC buses you will get a decent co-passenger instead of those anti sutaa uncles and dharuhera guys and my reply to that saale faltu ke 300 rupey barbaad kerne ko nahi hai mere pass".I came back from flashback and started thinking how should I start the talks.As in last 5 years I have realized that I am a nightmare co-passenger for anybody.May be my grandma's lesson of not talking to anybody you dont know in trains and those warning "apne smaan ki rakha swayam kare , aapke saath wale yatri se kuch khane ko na le , wo khana nasheela ho sakat ahi" has a great on my mind.So i never talk never, I would just say only one thing "jara side honge".But this I had to talk, but I dont know what should I say.So, I stared planning what to say , it took me 10 mins, then I thought I should look outside for few moments and then loo at her and say that dialogue otherwise she would guess that I wanted to talk from the first momnt I entered the bus. So i started looking the other side and seriously and I never felt this much tense in last( i dont know how many years not in front of my HOD , not in front of my manager) and when I turned to say after another 20, 30 mins, WTF! WTF! she was asleep.
Cant explain how terrible I felt.And after few terribly low moments I also went to sleep thinking its better not to talk to people you don't know while traveling..

I have some more(in fact very much) to write but I will keep this one short and will write more in the next one(I am sounding like there are thousand of readers who have requested me to keep my blogs short but the truth is there are only two or three persons). Chalo b bye for today but I will complete my journey in next blog..............And ya the heading is a dialog for movie Sunday which I saw on Saturday and I liked it and I don't have any good heading to write so I have written this..Gustaakhi Maaf!!!!

Dont know who is right the bad one or the ghissu one!!

2008-09-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

This was the moment for which I was waiting for last 8 to 10 days and finally I can say proudly(not very much) that I am a java programmer and that too sun certified.Yes ladies and gentlemen I have cleared the SCJP with 97% and actually I am very happy at this moment.And morever my desktop is back not with its previous tolerance limit but at least its running.And my cellphone(N70 (music edition , I always mention this music edition bcos I have spent few thousand extra bucks for it)) is with me after being moletsted by nokia care for one and a half months.I cant imagine they were doing with my cellphone.So much caring people they were not ready to give it back to me.

So the last week was really amazing.After writng few frusti blogs about my careless attitude and my declaration of improving myself, I finally somehow shifted on track.So I started with achieving one of my goals of being a SCJP guy.In fact I was treating SCJP like a chai biscuit.Whenever I used to find nothing in this world I would open that prep book and the non ending prepartion was going on and on and on........So finally I had to finsh it this week.I went through a practise test with a very low expectation of 80% and voila I scored 57% in it and I got fail."ohh ye kya main sochta thaapne baare me aur main kya nikala".These kind of situation are perfect for smokers to increase the numbers and I had a very big reason I got failed.Okk no need to worry one more test left at least I have to score 70% otherwise in the real exam the situation can get tight.So I really studied seriously and very hard for next three four days .But while you are preparing for an exam everything else in the world starts to appear wonderful.Even those c grade hindi movies turns into quiet an intersting one.you feel like there are thousands of other things which are intersting and waiting for ur time and you are stuck with this damn boring exam.It happened with me but I kept motivating myself "mutreja ek din aur bus ek din padh le phir soch kitna acha lagega".So finally I took my next practise(I keep on repeating this practise word bcos I dont want you to think that It was my third attempt for SCJP ) test . I ahd to score more that 59 at least pass and yahoo!! I scored 64% this time and wait a minute , grade is fail again , oh shit this time cut - off was 80%.So with both my mocks gone I had not even seen the passing screen. I had no other way , two more days to go with two fail grade on my back I applied for two days leave from office.

On the first day of my leave i got up at 2.00pm in the afternoon and I felt like oh no half the day is almost gone.But how could I start my day or afternoon without chai.So I was on way to chai thadi . I ordered one special chai and that shana chaiwala gauged my tense sitaution and asked sir saath me milds ya regular. I stared at him (as I have earlier warned him not to ask for sutta.)
and said regular.So the study was on my old weak computer was trying to support me. It's Fan was making such a loud noise as if I was sitting with some tool cutting machine but the PC as usual supported me.Time to time as I was cursing me WTF r u doing WTF r u doing "kya karega 95 % laake 70 se khus ho le koi farak nahi padhta ghissu saale" but the ghissu part of mine was continously singing "bas ek din aur bas ek din aur". I decided that after each hour I study i would go for a chai and ... and it worked I studied for around 5-6 hours on both the days.Now who says i am not a motivated guy even a chai parle-G motivates me to study.

So the grand finale day came(I dont understand why these exam creator puts pressure on candidates by using these kind of words for the real exam. it looks as if was going for some battle). I got up , as usual ghisu bacha inside me was crying but still singing "bas 3 ghante aur bas 3 ghante aur" . And I again studied and when I was about to leave for the exam and I called at the center to confirm time, they said sorry sir today exam is not possible due to some server problem.Now it was the time for the real bad mutreja and he started cursing that ghissu part "saal tere ko bola that zyada mat ghis ab baith monday tak" .So the bad mutreja went for a booze party and he celebrated even before the exam......

Finally I went for the test today as few people were thinking that I actually failed and trying to hide things.So i at 3.30 pm I started my bike, kept on telling myself "mutreja koi nahi tattu exam hai phod dega tu , ye grand finale winale kuch na hota, just control ur emotions , ab tu badha ho gaya abhi bhi exam se darta hain " on the whole way. And seriously when I reached the center I was damn cool!! and after seeing the questions which were very easy and mostly from dumps , the fight between ghissu mutreja started again "bad mutreja:tere ko bola tha paper easy aaat hain phaltu me do din lagwaai
Ghissu mutreja:beta ye main tha jo aaaj chill maar ke paper de raha hain and "
and they continued fighting and I was out of center with 97% and yes I am vey happy today.....................and writing this bolg as I already had the celebrations on saturday:D

It's gone and it's all because of me...................

2008-09-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

Here I am sitting in front of my desktop writing this blog from Ani's laptop because at this point after seeing this screen of death for nth time(n>6) I have realized that it's gone.I don't know why I am getting so senti about my PC but may be it's because of the all the bad things which I did to it.

I still remember the day when I bought it , I cleaned the whole room myself so that not even a single dust remains there as I heard dust is not good for computers.Converted the dressing room into the computer room so that nobody disturbs me when I am on computer.My computer knowledge at that was like as sunny deol is to dance(didnt know even know how to start teh computer).Nobody could touch my computer even enter the room without my permission.My cousin came to spend his holidays at my home and dont even remember how many times I gave him those daedly stares to keep him away from computers,still regret that things.

When I went back to hostel the first and the only guy who was infact more excited about my computer (Rewani)also got the same treatment as my cousin(regret that too) but I was sycho about my PC.Then suddenly things began to change after 3rd year , The cabinet got opened up for the first time , 2nd time 3rd time and then forever.It became a house for all the experiments.Rewani got the pass to try out anything on it.Everybody was happy , I was happy , computer was runnning we were partyingThen one day speakers departed, otherday mouse, after some time keyboard.But I didnt spend a single penny on it.I somehow used to manage things from here and there and the Pc supported me .With at least 2kgs of dust inside it kept on running and playing "thekea te nit kahdke" and was my companion during placement and and final year masti.

After joining my job in Noida I didnt statrted it for first months. It was just lying there waiting for me boot it.And finally one day when I started it I found out that UPS passed away and I didnt even know but that bother me at all and I wont spend a single penny on this old computer.Finally I converted it into a TV and threw it away just in front of main entrance door.
But the PC didnt complain.changed channels using keyboard from my toes and completed the whole roadies.But one day when rewa told me computer is seriously down and i was like no probs i will manage it(RAM hila denge ,hard disk tight ker denge,bios dekh lenge chal jaega yaar dont worry , mera compu kharab nahi ho sakta)

But Now after even 1 month when I see at it I feel like I have murdered it.It cant even bear a single window installation.it looks like a old man whose son has betrayed him and he cant even walk properly.Moniter is flickering and I feel like it is shivering , turns sometime into black & white and it turns me also into that mode.Ihave done everything to save it changed RAM ,UPS ,hard disk but finally I have found out that its heart is gone the motherboard and CPU are gone and its all because of me.The more I see it the more I feel helpless .I know I can change everything but It would be another one not my old one ,I want my old PC back.

Can't understand why I am feeling like this .Also I don't know why didn't I care for it.
Something which was so close to me , supported me will end up this way , never thought of this.
Recovery opeartion is going on to get the it well soon but deep inside my heart I feel bad and I know its gone before its expected time and its all because of me............

"You have to control your life and not allow your life to control you."

2008-08-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

If u r somebody very close to me u would have heard this thousand times from me that "I m getting bore , kuch naya karne ko hi nahi hai".Infact I have got sick of saying this again and again.
So I sit down to think actually why it is that everybody around me seems to be so busy and I m getting bored.
Hence, I looked at things which I love doing and I have to do at any cost and surprisingly I came to know that if I would go out to get those things then for almost my next two years I have no time even to write these blogs(actually its bit exaggerated but u must have got the sense).So why the hell I get this kinda feelings of boredom.Does anybody else feel like this??.

I want to be the next Atif Aslam , started guitar 1 year back and can't even play even one song by him properly.But I don't have the time to go to any guitar class, rather I would sit at a nearby chai thadi on weekends to find out the cause of my boredom.

I envision myself in the next 3 years to be one of the core technical java professional but I don't have the time to explore the technicalities in depth . I work at double speed in office to save time putting pressure on myself and doing nothing with that saved time.

I rarely go home because I feel very boring at home because I have nothing to do over there.But in real there are hundreds of things which are there waiting for me.I go home , spend half of the time sleeping, half of the time roaming here and there and doing none of the work which I plan before going.And when I come back I feel trip was boring "4 din kuch kiya hi nahi'.

So,finally I think I have found out the reason behind "behind target by at least 1 year and yet feeling kuch karne ko nahi hai".And the reason is not that actually I dont like them (I would rather do these things non stop for almost........ ).The reason is my way of doing things . I always delay things to the next time(chal yaar kal kar lenge attitude aaj man nahi hai,kuch naya kerte hai).And every now and then I do some work , do very small advancement and then start something new.And within 1 week I have so many threads to work upon that all of them become a burden for me and I leave everything and start feeling bore and then again a new thread is born to overcome this boredom."main her cheez ke itne chote chote tukde ker deta hoon ki wo mujhe koi achievment hi nahi lagti".I seriously lack this go-getter attitude. I have to seriously change my way of living life in next year or so otherwise I would be in a very miserable state.I have to get control over the things that I am doing. "You have to control your life and not allow your life to control you".

I hope within next 10-15 blogs I would improve a lot and get some control over my blog contents too(I apologize to the readers for making them read such a frustrating blog but I m really frustrated right now

Socha hai ye tumne kya kabhi...........

2008-08-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

while returning to Noida Sunday, I saw movie aatish in the bus.And while seeing movie main soch raha tha ki her hindi movie me aisa kya hota ki do bhai jo bahut garib hote hai unme se bada bhai khud to gangster ban jaat hai but apne chote bhai ko police inspector hi banata hai.wo use doctor,enginneer kyon nahi banata . use pata hota hai ki uska bhai hi last me use goli marega fir bhi wo use police inspector hi banata hai.kyonj aakhir kyon???????Socha hai kya tumne ye kabhi.... I Knw bahut ganda hai but kya karu control nahi hua

On a serious note.
jis ache kal ke liye hum apna aaj sacrifice ker rahe hai , apni ekchaon ko maar rahe ahi, us ache kal me jaa ke bhi hume yehi sochna hai ki yaar agla kal kaise aur acha kare, aur beete kal ko dekh ke ye lagega ki bahut si ekchaon ko maar diya.......kaash main wapas ja saku past me to ye to pakka karoonga ,wo to pakka karoonga.......to fir ye asmanjas kyon kal ko lekar jab kal aaega to dekh lenge.....
Socha hai kya tumne ye kabhi...........socha nahi to socho abhi.................

Sorry Not For Bachelors

2008-08-08T04:18:00.000-07:00

Last week I heard this thing"Sorry Not For Bachelors" not less than 20 -30 times when I was in search of a new Apartment.I dont know if nobody is willing to rent their apartment to bachelors then where should the bachelors go.Maybe govt should come out with a "Bachelor nagar " or "Bachelor Vihar" sort of plan so that bachelors can stay bachelors.But luckily I got a decent apartment....:)

Actually last year it was the same scene when we had to find our previous apartment and that too in one day and as a true DCEite we have a knack of doing things at the last moment and that too successfully.So we did it last time.So this time we decided that boss enough of college type student attitude , now we are a bit professional ,we will do it in planned way.And we actually did it.We got an apartment 20 days in advance to our deadline.We were happy."Hum teen se chaar hone wale the,hamare beech ek naya mehmaan aa raha tha,hamara apna gupta,the real cultript jiski wajah se hum beghar ho rahe the".But I was bit worried that something would happen,I cannot do things in such a planned way.And yes It happened , on the very day we had to shift, our deal was cancelled(courtesy to Ani whose voice is bold that on phone it appears that he is shouting on you and the arrogant landlord couldnt take this )and we again had one day to find a new home.And we could not delay bcos the next tenants were standing in front of us waiting for us to vacate the apartment.

so the home hunt started.four of us were all over indirapuram.rewani at one society, me at another,ani with some broker and gupta somewhere waiting for our next instruction.Rewa and Ani were in a very shocked state but i was very normal since I knew this was gonna happen.
Most of the apartments where not for our kind of people(bachelors),somewhere there was no gyn, somewhere there was shared bathrooms,some apartments were far away.All of us where behaving like we were on a mission.One thing which is common in four of us is that we dont know how to handle brokerage deals.So while in meetings with brokers all of us used to get puzzled at brokers every question and we used to look at each other just asking each other after you.So when of any of us used to speak,rest of three stared at him and the poor speaker, with one eye on us(reading our emotions whether we are liking it or not) and other on the broker would mould his words accordingly.He knew either there will be praises or there will be "Gaalis."But overall allof us contributeda little bit and we finally made a decent deal.Kudos! to all of us.Then after heavy workload of shifting I am finaly partially settled in my new home ....................

Do It Before It gets Too Late..............

2008-07-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

I wont continue with my last blog here because It would be a overdose(may be last one itself an overdose).So,the point here which is baffling me is why do I have to think so much for the time which is yet to come(future).I don't enjoy coding the whole month, I enjoy it not more than 2-3 days a week.I don't wish to be a management student, business is not my cup of tea.So then what do I do?I do nothing for few weeks then something start to move inside my tiny mind.It is "Do something Before It gets Too Late".So I think yes I have to do something,Okay, I would start loving my work from tomorrow. And I actually enjoy the work the next day .But again as usual gets its into the same state few days later.

I don't know why I have to think and act accordingly for the betterment of the time which has not yet come whether I like it or not.I remember lines from "monk who sold his Ferrari" which says prepare for the future but not the cost of missing enjoyment of your present.
I am missing something , this is not true enjoyment which I would have liked.I have got decent job,decent money,good friends.May be my expectations from life is too much.

So while go into search of that missing thing,my mind is already saying don't waste your time here "better do something before it gets late" :)

Those were the best days of my Life.........

2008-07-20T08:41:00.000-07:00

Life is I don't know going which way. There are thousands of threads running in my mind.So , I started another thread to find out the times in my life when my mind was working on single threads.

So, First one I found out was when I was In muzaffarpur(my birth place) in class 4th,5th ,6th.I used to go to play cricket in a nearby Jila school.I used to play with college guys .They never wanted to include me but looking at my chubby , cute , and eyes full of passion they used to include me.So I was always placed at such a position where ball would almost never come.And I so enthusiast that after every ball I would come to stumps saying come on! come on! shabaash! shabaash! and then run back to my place. I hardly used to play more than 3- 4 balls as I was permanent no 11 and never got bowling.Then after that I would come back home drink a huge glass of milk then analyze my game at night and in school time next day.Cricket was the only thing in my mind.Sometimes My Mom used to send my home tutor to the ground to bring me back and the poor tutor didnt want to lose his job.So he used to run behind me in the ground almost begging please ghar chalo!

Then again in my 8th class in jaipur I got cricket addiction.I used to get up at 3.30 in afternoon and then wore my favorite black jeans , black tshirt ,black belt and sport shoes.I had a hero impact which was so slick that I hardly used to adjust myself on that.Then I would reach the ground first as usual .Nobody used to be there so i would to go everybodys home and rang doorbell ,Their mother coming out staring at me (almost saying why the hell you come everyday ) and I used to say "aunty lalit hai".And after that cricket , cricket and cricket.

To be continued in my next blog..............

SALE! SALE! SALE!

2008-07-09T08:08:00.000-07:00

The sale season is on.After returning from movie "jaane tu ya .........jaane na" showed me his new Lee denim collection which he bought in Sale.And I was like shocked ,what! when! where! which brand! the SALE has started.So, I decided that I m going to the Sale tomorrow.

Next day , along with my coding I was also doing some another important work I was preparing the list of things which I would buy.I was so excited that I announced in my team meeting that I would be leaving early.So what should I buy a jeans, floaters,a bag ,no! no! its over my budget, a floaters and bag ya, oh no infact a jeans and a t-shirt .....................................................
So finally at the end of the day I got so tired and exhausted that I didnt have the energy to go to my bike.But My colleague was asking me again and again when r u leaving and it was not his mistake bcos I reminded him "hurry up I have to leave early" at least 100 times that day.So how do I escape .Fortunately it started raining and I felt like God is helping me ,I came back and said oh no! its raining how can I go.And I didnt go that day and continued with my useless stuff which I do daily.

Next day,the same story continued I again announced that I wud be leaving early but t te end of teh day I was in the same situation.And there was no rain .So I had to left for ATTA market.While going I was cursing myself all the way that why the hell I am going .I need to attend the gym ,make myself fit rather than shopping.But my bike reached atta finally.

As usuual I didnt find anything good to buy,the frustration level even got higher.Then I dont know why I entered into Nike with a hope that I wud at least get a decent bag.I just jumped into the bags section and ya this is the bag I want.Suddenly the frustraion seemed to be vanishing and I very politely asked the salesperson over there "how much discount" on this one.He looked at me suspiciously and said "sorry sir nod discount on bags".And I again went into the state where I was.But I didnt to show that guy that I was so terrified with no discount.So I continued checking out more bags as I was just normal but I wasn't .Then after few moments that guy again came and said "Sir do you want laptop bags", I said a very big no as I was very sure wat I was doing but I was thinkinh nothing just cursing myself , the he said why r u looking at laptop bags.I felt so humiliated , I didnt even look at him and I just came out.

Finally I decided to atleast buy a t-shirt. So now this time I entered "woodland" I just picked up one t-shirt and went into the trial room.And in front of the mirror I was again in a conflict mode ,
One part of mind was saying u have to buy this one , u have come so far and wont buy a single thig in this big Sale and the other was saying"Mutreja soch le its just a comprise , the collection is not so good ".I didnt look at mirror properly and I came out of the trial room and went to the the cash counter and said again enacting to be very sure "pack this one".there were few people queue before me so I had to wait and unfortunately I got few minutes to think again.So as I got my turn I changed my mind but how do I ask him not to do the billing,there r people behind me watching me , oh no wat to do. I just said him ohhh I have to attend a call and I was out of showroom in a flash.

After that I didnt go anywhere(I was completely frustrated with what I have done) , just returned straight to office and decided that I would never ever get excited about this Sale ad would never go if I would not feel like going.

What is actually a "Best effort"

2008-07-06T07:19:00.000-07:00

Friday Night, four college friends and there is nothing more you require
for a party.So, the party was on ,"Dil Dance Maare " was going on, and as usual in balcony three of us(me,Dd,and Rewa) we shifted to our philosophical discussions , confessions .So the topic was what do we consider a best effort for ur goal.Infact I use this term and hear from friends "yaar is baar to best effort nahi diya next to pakka doonga " quite often.So what is a best effort?Generally we tend to measure our effort level with the time we spent but I dont think effort has all relationship with time.While saying that it wasn't my best effort we compare our recent effort with a very unrealistic sort of effort in which we were studying 15 hrs a day, doing nothing else other than that apart from eating and daily routines.And it is actually very easy to say bcos we know that we just have to say and not implement.Infact I can count on 100's of movie which i missed while I was preparing for something and missing a single movie for ur goal is a damn good effort but still I say "yaar best effort nahi tha" and the reason being not comparable to my dream effort plan.So again "what is actually a best effort" .According to my experience a best effort is one in which the intensity, motivation to get ur goal was same on the day one , day 45 , day 105, and till the last day.Nothing to do with time management plans.

Therefore next time I would say anything about my last effort I would just think of intensity and motivation during that period.

And yup I can say I gave my best efforts to write this blog.......:)

My journey from delhi to jaipur.........

2008-07-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

For the last 5 yrs I have been traveling frm jaipur to delhi and delhi to jaipur and there is this thing which always irritates me and it happened again.As usual I reached the bus stop and was waiting for the bus and after 45 mins it seemed liked bus would never come.Meanwhile I was talking to few uncles who were also frustrated like me.All the uncles were talking to me like ok.. what a sincere guy,so polite ,in short a perfect gentleman.Then just to relax myself I went for a smoke and that too in some corner and from that moment I was like a gangster over there.Everything seemed to change and they were looking me at me like I just murdered someone.I have experienced this thing for at least more than 10 times and situation gets worse when uncle has a daughter with him.Now u r like a vulture.Then uncle would create a circle of say 5m around him and he would do every possible thing he can do to stop u from entering that circle .Even u shift by 1m he wud shift by 2m.I dont understand how a ciggarate can turn a good guy into a bad one.I know its harfmul for health.But it dosen't mean people who smoke are not good person.Seriously can't understand....